I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
