I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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