I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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