miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
