You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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