eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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