You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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