No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
