do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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