She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
