Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
