I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
