Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize