after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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