I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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