Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
