I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
