She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
