Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
