I look better un-naked...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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