You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize