I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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