I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
