I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have aggressive nipples.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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