There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
