Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dear god my vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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