i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
