What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
