Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
