Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
