My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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