next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
