I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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