It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm always down for nudity.
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