Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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