I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
