I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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