Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
