I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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