oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
