Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm too high and old for this...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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