grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he puts the penis in happiness.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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