i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
