Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
