I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
