Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
