he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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