I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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