Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
