Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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