I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize