Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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