i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
