i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
