He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
