this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
