So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
