My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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