he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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