Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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