i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
