Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.

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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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(224): View more from Illinois

She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.

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(757): View more from Virginia

then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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(517): View more from Michigan

Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.

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(775): View more from Nevada

The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

(1-775): View more from Nevada

At least you got your shooes

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(916): View more from California

Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b

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(406): View more from Montana

You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.

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(949): View more from California

I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious

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