my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
