if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
