Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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