I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What did we do last night that was yellow?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
